Things I learned from my mother

[1337]

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

[Lorenzo666]

Lol

[toaster Assassin]

What the hell did I just read?

[txfirefighter]

[1337]

What the hell did I just read?

That's what i was going for

My favorites are:
4(Logic), 16(antic.) -> my mother told me this soooo often omg
7(irony) -> i think the example is well put
10(stamina) -> made me laugh myself (i really don't like green stuff, you know... bunny food (see ps))
15(envy) -> the best one imo (takes a second to understand )
25(justice) -> great finish imo

ps: i don't eat a lot of veggies (almost noting actually), but before you start worrying, my body adapted to cope with it. I can only guess that it takes the vitamins that are lacking from the surrounding air (through diffusion or something) or I'm a sleep-veggies-eater...

[toaster Assassin]

My vote for 7
Also for number 15, I wonder how common that phrase is world-wide?
You called greens "bunny food", so there is your answer. Instead of eating vegetables find a few rabbits, and BAM!.....a nutritious alternative. (Says Dr. Toaster)

rabbits = walking veggie burger

[Blxz]

Dogs aren't very good at digesting vegetables so wild dog/wolves go right for the stomach when they take something down. All those half digested greens make it easier for them to get their nutrients.

In short, Mr 1337, I suggest you hunt down some wildlife/other people and eat their stomachs right from their still warm bodies.

[1337]

this thread is turning strange...